The last two years, God has given me my word in November. If the past taught me anything, He is ready to challenge, stretch, and grow me with my 2018 word, which is “Freedom”. In other words, this word is about to kick my booty!
As soon as I heard this word, I knew deep, down in my soul that this year would be a year of reckoning. Just hearing this word made me feel lighter. There has been so much over the past 5 years that has been weighing me down and causing me to feel enslaved. I am ready to be free of those things.
I recently read this from Brené Brown in Rising Strong:
“It takes courage to share a story that is still in the process. To say, I am still in the rumble. Still trying to figure out what is true and what is not.”
In my last post, A place of healing, I wrote that, when we first returned to the states, God ask me to “Be still and be quiet”. As always, with God’s instructions, that was wise and necessary. However, now, I feel He is telling me to speak…to be raw and vulnerable…and honest. This, I believe, will be part of my healing. It is part of my Freedom walk. It is a way that He is setting me free from the chains that have bound me.
Oh, how I would love for this season to be finished. How I would love to continue to wrestle through all of this quietly alone, as I have been doing . How I would love to be writing AFTER the rumble…AFTER the lessons have been learned…AFTER the pain has subsided, and we could bask in God’s glory for the journey that was traveled. I would so love to wrap all of the pain and lessons up, and present them to my readers in a pretty little package wrapped in a satin bow.
Unfortunately, that is not what I feel God asking me to do. He is asking me to speak IN this season BEFORE I have the answers. He is asking me to strip naked and present all of this as it is. He is asking me to tell the journey that I have been on since returning to the states. He is asking me to name my pain for the world to see. He is also asking me to share the joy, the hope, and the victories with you. (Of course, that part will be easy.)
I do not feel courageous. I feel fear.
To speak publicly about very private pain is scary. With all of this comes great responsibility. I need to be aware and accountable with my words. My hope is, by speaking of the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain and healing, that someone else seeks God to help release you from the chains that bind you. My hope is that other missionaries that have returned, or will be returning, from the field, understand some of the pain and confusion and transition in which they have or will travel.
My story may possibly not look exactly the same as many of yours.
Still, I hope that my words are the words that you need to begin your Freedom walk.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.”