That’s exactly where I was…I was feeling a tad bit overdrawn.
Living in a country that worships much differently than you do, and in which, there is a language barrier, church can be a difficult place to grow your faith. I no longer pray to understand what the pastor is saying. Now I just pray for God to allow me to feel His presence around me. My relationship with God is much more intentional and purposeful here. The time with Him is much more valuable and necessary. I am no longer being fed the way that I was when I went to the church in the states….
I find myself trying not to feel the things that I am feeling. I find myself trying to fill my time and body with things that distract me and allow me not to feel.
“Love yourself enough to do whatever is needed to care for your soul”
(from Revealing Jesus by Darlene Zschech)
I am halfway through a 40 Day Fast that ends on February 21st. This is not a fast in which I don’t eat for 40 days. This is a fast from things that I was using to numb myself…so that I could be distracted and not feel. These things also kept me from growing my relationship with Christ.
This is what it looks like:
~No FB/Instagram/Twitter (I am still on Pinterest but she is pressing her luck and may be eliminated as well because I catch myself just wanting to SCROLL SOMETHING!)
*I would like to thank all of my sweet friends that have sent messages of genuine concern for my well-being. Many of you have noticed that I have not been on FB lately and sent messages asking if everything is OK. Truly…super sweet…thank you!
**Just so you know, I still get FB messages through Messenger which sends them straight to my phone like a text message. When I respond to your message, I am not actually on FB, so I am not breaking my fast. AND, my blog post automatically goes to FB/Twitter.
~No sugar (OH, sweet Jesus…what was I thinking???)
~No soda (In the states, I rarely drank Cokes but, here….they put crack in this stuff! It’s made with real sugar cane and is highly addictive to me. Don’t try detoxing from this stuff at home, kids…It ain’t pretty!)
Those are the things that I have been eliminating but I have been adding things that are good for me as well…
~Minimum of 4 fruits/veggies a day
~80 oz. of water a day
~Exercise 6 days a week with 3 of those days being running
For my mind, body, and soul to feel strong, I need to spend time with people that love me, time creating beautiful things (that’s why Pinterest is allowed), thinking time, time to read, time to strengthen my body…and, most importantly….time with God. These are ways that I make deposits.
During this time, I have been trying to reconnect with myself and God. I have been praying and journalling and reading and spending time with those that I love, at home and in my community. I have been building a strong body, mind, and soul. I have been listening for God’s voice and asking Him for guidance. I have been filling myself with things that feel good and are good for me.
I want to remember that I am a child of God…that is fearfully and wonderfully made. Somewhere along this journey, I forgot that. I forgot to look at the beauty that God created in me…and have only been seeing the cracks and jagged, broken edges.
During this time, I have been asking God to empty me of me…
…and fill me with Him…
…That seems like a better option than filling myself full of Oreos…
Please pray with and for me during this time. Have you ever done a fast? If so, how did it go?