asurprisecalling

Following our calling to the Dominican Republic

The box that I don’t fit in…and it pisses me off!!

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I feel like we are in a holding pattern.  This waiting is tough for an impatient person like me.  We have 4 months until our move.  Somedays that seems like forever…other days is feels too quick!  During this time, God is moving and shaking in my life!  There are things that God needs to tweak in me. There are things that He needs to improve and things He needs to remove.  He’s got my undivided attention right now…while I am waiting.

See…I don’t fit into this perfect box. I am not the person that one would use as the poster child for the perfect “church lady”.  I have tried to be HER.  The woman that has the sweet voice, is always kind to everyone, and knows the perfect bible verse that will help “the worst of sinners” through the worst of times.  Over the past 3 years, since God taken hold of my heart and life, I have watched numerous women transform into that “church lady” right before my eyes.  They slip right into that role like they are sliding into a comfy pair of known slippers.

I am not HER…and, sometimes, it really pisses me off!  To be HER would be easier.  But, to be HER would not be authentic to ME..or to God!  He knows what is really in my heart.  He knows what I think, what I feel, and how I act outside of church.  There’s no fooling Him. Quite frankly, I don’t want to try.  I just want to be ME..even if ME is quite broken!  ME is sometimes loud…sometimes angry…sometimes lost…sometimes unkind…sometimes harsh…and so many times untrusting.

Here’s the cool part: In my brokenness, He comes in and sloughs off that which is ugly inside of me!  He doesn’t change WHO I am but he IMPROVES who I am.  There are so many parts of me that don’t match the “church lady” image…but many of those parts are what make me perfect for Him to use for His will!

I am under construction.  God is my contractor guiding this project to completion.  My box may not look like yours.  I just hope that God continues to see His project coming together and thinks “This one will be beautiful when I am done!”

2 thoughts on “The box that I don’t fit in…and it pisses me off!!

  1. this blesses me. i need to hear that others feel this way. i am in NO WAY as faithful or trusting as you, but i do hope i am salvageable and useable. thank you, tammy. you definitely don’t need to fit inside someone else’s perfect box – just your own.

  2. Thanks, Lisa! It does get tough sometimes. Then I have to realize…the ME that He created is exactly what He wants. You know me, I can’t pretend to be anything other than that!

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